Rediscovering my Mojo

Since my last post, almost three weeks ago, I have done almost no training. First, I got a cold that knocked me for six and then I completely lost any drive to train.

I simply loathed the thought of going to the pool and doing what seemed like endless laps and I really struggled to get any motivation to drag the bike out of the garage. However, I have managed a few runs over the last few weeks and actually really enjoyed them. In fact, I am craving just heading out and just running for as long as my legs carry me.

I can't pinpoint exactly why my motivation has diappeared, but I think that it is a reflection of a number of things. In an email to Coach Geoff, I wrote:

1: I think I am physically run down
My physical condition is not that flash at the moment. Aside from the cold, I have had a number of sores on my face and in my nose and I generally feel lethargic. My cuboid problem persists and my hip is not 100% yet either. I think this has been building for a while as I had been getting to Thursday each week of training and pretty much not having any energy at all for Thursday and Friday training. I am pretty sure this is a sign that I am physically run down.

2: I am mentally drained

This comes not just from training, but from life in general. A number of things buidling up at work, training, rugby, etc is making life pretty hectic albeit not as stressful as it has been in the past.

3: There is uncertainty around my ultimate training goal for this year
I am not sure whether I am going to be able to complete the training necessary for the full Challenge as there are some uncertainties around work and I don't know what demands it will place on my time. This is in the back of my mind all of the time when I train and makes it hard to commit to the session that I am doing

4: Some of my training no longer excites me

For the first time in well over two years, I dread going out for training. This is definitely true for swimming, sometimes the case for the bike, but only very rarely for the running.

5: I crave running

I still enjoy the running and actually feel myself craving to do some very long runs. I wonder if having a month or so with  a focus on running will reinvigorate me.

6: I still enjoy racing, but...

I received a comment on my blog the other day that has really kicked me in the guts and burst my bubble.

The comment was posted anonymously in response to my last post and went like this: "Oh pleeease!! Your times are very average, your trumpet blowing is getting annoying....spare us all!" I know I shouldn't have let it effect me, but it did. I deleted it as soon as I read it! I got angry! I felt depressed! But deep down I knew this hurt because it was true. I am nothing more than a very average athlete and right now there is nothing I could do about that.

In the past I would have used this sort of thing as motivation to spur me on, to train harder, to be faster. This time, though, I curled up in a (metaphorical) corner in self-pity.

On Tuesday, though, I rediscovered my mojo. I gave a lecture (the last of four on Challange Wanaka) to about 50 sports tourism students using excerpts from my blog to illustrate the emotional experiences of a Challenge athlete. As I read some passages, a lump came to my throat and my voice started to quiver. I got through, finishing about 10 minutes ahead of time, but exhausted and emotionally drained from the experience. As I did, a single clap came from the back of the room and then the entire class burst into brief, but heartfelt, applause. I nearly lost it right then and there, but managed to hold my composure. Then, in the lift back to my office, one of the young woman from the class said "That was a really inspirational lecture, thanks." In the two days since I have received two wonderful emails from two other members of the class thanking me for my lecture and for inspiring them to achieve. It felt fantastic!

Geoff has also worked out a new regime for me for the next couple of months that will focus primarily on running, with just a couple fo swims and one or two rides. It looks fantastic and has lots of nice short term goals in it to keep me interested. Running more should also assist in dropping my weight.

The outcome of this, however, is that it is unlikely that I will be doing the full Challenge Wanaka event in 2012. I will definitely be doing the Lake Wanaka Half and possibly one or two others over the summer, but, for the moment at least, I am in no state of mind to continue with the training necessary to pull off the full. I am both relieved and saddened at having reached this decision, but I want my next Challenge event to be the best I can possibly do and I know, even this far out, that I am unlikely to be able to give my full effort in 2012. My goal for Challenge is still the same - I want to make the top 20 in my age group - I am just being more realistic about when this might be (notice I said 'might', there is always a chance that I could upgrade my 2012 entry, should Geoff and I decide in a month or two that things are going well enough). Look out in 2013!

To be honest, I am really looking forward to doing the Lake Wanaka Half, as I am likely to be up against several people that I know: Lil Bro' Chris; James Brundell; another James; and even Coach Geoff. This makes me even more determined to be at a lean racing weight and to attain the target of under 20kg.

I've also started helping several mates with their training for various events. Two are old high school mates (Jas Wadsworth and Tony McAuliffe) who want to do the Moro Half Marathon in September, while my brother Chris and a friend from work Andrea Farminer have asked for advice on how to manage their training for the Lake Wanaka Half. It gives me a huge buzz to help these guys. I'm not promising any results, as my advice is pretty general stuff compared to the taylored specifics I get from Geoff. If nothing else it gives them a bit of structure and I am always their to motivate and encourage (or kick up the arse in the case of Tony).

It's been a really tough couple of weeks and I have had to dig really deep to get back on track, but I think that I am now heading off in the right direction, reinvigorated and recharged.